Next Stop...Kick Ass Query Letter

from the archives...2 June, 2010

In print!

A small community newsletter requested a one page piece on my book and I have just today found a copy of it, in print, in the mailbox! A small accomplishment but, nonetheless, an excerpt, author photo and a whole bunch of words screaming, "Look at me!" is in circulation through this far-south part of the city. Just another small step in the progress of my writing journey. (I attached a copy below because i am just that excited.)

Up Next...onto Agency Submissions.

It is a stressful process; an endless on-line search and just when you find an agent that is *perfect* for you, there's some small print tidbit that just doesn't fit with what you or they are looking for. Then you go to bed feeling particularly deflated after putting in a day's worth of tweaking and editing your most awesome query letter which has fast become a useless bit of words tossed together on a page because Agent "A" has far different requests than Agent "B" thru "Z" for whom you began creating your Masterpiece Query in the first place.

Alas, and onto the next.

Though it's a pain in the ass, time lost, it is never time wasted. I've learned a thing or two along the way and in the end, I am forever obsessed with reading blogs, articles, and anything there is to read about the craft of writing. And I find myself, again, immersed in the best of it.

Heck. Yesterday I even came across a few glorious quotes from some well known authors and added those to the file of quotables I keep on the computer. And on a bulletin board beside the computer, taped around the desk, in frames...

(I know I'm a dweeb. And I'm okay with that.)

I have learned a few other things as well:

1. Delete those fancy sentences and thoughts. You know the ones. When you get all wordy and cocky and so proud of yourself. If you begin to envision someone on the other end of that "polished email" saying, "Wow. This writer is so creative. This is the Masterpiece Query we've been waiting for" you are likely wrong. Delete.

2. Keep it simple and short. The long winded descriptions of your personal "how I got into writing" prequel may be fun to reminisce through for you, but for an agent it is likely much like listening to your grandparents ramble on about running uphill both ways in a snowstorm. For the bazillionth time. Delete.

3. Fancy fonts only look pretty on your word processor and are probably best left for kids birthday invitations, banners to your upcoming book signing and the emails you send out to your coworkers inviting them to a Tupperware party.

I love the pretty fonts, witty sentences and often find myself giggling along with my brilliance. Until I look it over a few times, realize it is four hours into reworking the same paragraph and three hours of coffee working it's halcyon buzz through the system.

I have deleted, edited, made a few pretty posters for the upcoming kids parties (and font-ed the crap out of my favorite quote document), then deleted some more.

And all I can say is Agent "F" (because "A" thru "D" were not matches for this writer): Beware. Kick-Ass Query is in the works and will be flashing like a beacon in your in-box/mailbox/PO Box--whichever form you prefer and I am sure it will differ from the last--just begging you to reply with a, "Dear Ms. Fuselli. I have reviewed your query and am interested to hear more. Please forward your entire collection of awesomeness and we will eagerly await while brushing all others aside as nothing else will compare."

Slight over exaggeration? Likely.

...Ahem...

Absolutely.

But it will be coming.

Oh.

It will be coming.