Next Stop...Kick Ass Query Letter

from the archives...2 June, 2010

In print!

A small community newsletter requested a one page piece on my book and I have just today found a copy of it, in print, in the mailbox! A small accomplishment but, nonetheless, an excerpt, author photo and a whole bunch of words screaming, "Look at me!" is in circulation through this far-south part of the city. Just another small step in the progress of my writing journey. (I attached a copy below because i am just that excited.)

Up Next...onto Agency Submissions.

It is a stressful process; an endless on-line search and just when you find an agent that is *perfect* for you, there's some small print tidbit that just doesn't fit with what you or they are looking for. Then you go to bed feeling particularly deflated after putting in a day's worth of tweaking and editing your most awesome query letter which has fast become a useless bit of words tossed together on a page because Agent "A" has far different requests than Agent "B" thru "Z" for whom you began creating your Masterpiece Query in the first place.

Alas, and onto the next.

Though it's a pain in the ass, time lost, it is never time wasted. I've learned a thing or two along the way and in the end, I am forever obsessed with reading blogs, articles, and anything there is to read about the craft of writing. And I find myself, again, immersed in the best of it.

Heck. Yesterday I even came across a few glorious quotes from some well known authors and added those to the file of quotables I keep on the computer. And on a bulletin board beside the computer, taped around the desk, in frames...

(I know I'm a dweeb. And I'm okay with that.)

I have learned a few other things as well:

1. Delete those fancy sentences and thoughts. You know the ones. When you get all wordy and cocky and so proud of yourself. If you begin to envision someone on the other end of that "polished email" saying, "Wow. This writer is so creative. This is the Masterpiece Query we've been waiting for" you are likely wrong. Delete.

2. Keep it simple and short. The long winded descriptions of your personal "how I got into writing" prequel may be fun to reminisce through for you, but for an agent it is likely much like listening to your grandparents ramble on about running uphill both ways in a snowstorm. For the bazillionth time. Delete.

3. Fancy fonts only look pretty on your word processor and are probably best left for kids birthday invitations, banners to your upcoming book signing and the emails you send out to your coworkers inviting them to a Tupperware party.

I love the pretty fonts, witty sentences and often find myself giggling along with my brilliance. Until I look it over a few times, realize it is four hours into reworking the same paragraph and three hours of coffee working it's halcyon buzz through the system.

I have deleted, edited, made a few pretty posters for the upcoming kids parties (and font-ed the crap out of my favorite quote document), then deleted some more.

And all I can say is Agent "F" (because "A" thru "D" were not matches for this writer): Beware. Kick-Ass Query is in the works and will be flashing like a beacon in your in-box/mailbox/PO Box--whichever form you prefer and I am sure it will differ from the last--just begging you to reply with a, "Dear Ms. Fuselli. I have reviewed your query and am interested to hear more. Please forward your entire collection of awesomeness and we will eagerly await while brushing all others aside as nothing else will compare."

Slight over exaggeration? Likely.

...Ahem...

Absolutely.

But it will be coming.

Oh.

It will be coming.

Reading Isn't Procrastination, Is It?

from the archives...4 May, 2010

Yet another long moment (by moment I mean weeks) of procrastination, but this time I blame fellow authors and their addictive tales. My urges to pick up a pen, or in the case of this modern world, the laptop, has fizzled a little. I think because I am torn between which of my ongoing manusciprts to work on.

They all call.

Constantly.

I blame some of it on my most recent inspiring books (not by me) of which are tugging me in all directions. Here they are, my current list of reads and still reading's. Not to place blame, oh wise authors, but drat. I am frustrated with your brilliance and ability to fuel my obsessions....

Christopher Moore. You are first because I just finished Bite Me. I hate to pick on you, but I cannot get enough of Abby Normal. And to find your recent novel being written mostly in the tone of Abby Von Normal's Journal of a self-proclaimed Vampire Minion...what is one to do. I thought finishing this one would cure me. It hasn't. I only want more of the Goth Girl. Oh, Mr. Moore, you pulled me in again. Not that I am surprised. (And I am not done with you. See below.)

Julia Quinn. Okay. I thought I had this one licked. I finished yet another installment of her wit, humor, sarcasm, heroes and heroines, and of course, romance. I thought I had this one. I have reread so many of her books and managed to survive. But no, she has announced the release of a follow up to What Happens in London. And I am drawn now to re-read that one. (And-preorder-a-signed-by-the-author-copy-on-line-at-a-small-extra-cost-for-shipping-that-I-would-save-in-waiting. Though wait I cannot.


[Sadly, a good portion of this list is comprised of re-reads. How is that for procrastination at it's best?]

Next, Emily the Strange, Stranger and Stranger. Yes, it is a teen fiction. Yes I am 26 and holding (I won't say for how long) but this whole Goth, darkness, black of night stuff has me caught up. (See above.)

I, Mona Lisa. I am taking this one slow. It is somewhat like a long, refreshing walk through the beauty of Medieval Italy, the sights and sounds glorious, the birds chirping, sculptures simply come alive on the page, history jumps from the page and--Wait! What's this? Murder...Mayhem...Evils of the Church! And Divinci?

Let's just say my Medieval themed Historical Novel has been fueled.

Wuthering Heights. Yes, I said it!! Yes, I am reading it again.

Shut up. Bronte has a knack for stepping in my path of prorastination in the worst way.

[*writer sighs shamfully with head down*]

I also started Fool again.

Not my fault.

It's the catchy Brit Slang! It cannot be helped! How do you put down a book that begins with "Warning: This is a bawdy tale. Herin you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity..."

And it has a map.

Right. So. All but two I am revisiting. Can you guess that my writer's side is torn between manuscripts of Medieval History, Regency Romance, Goth Teen Fiction and oh, a list of others that whisper, "you know you want to pick up something new by--"

No I don't!

(Sorry for yelling.)

When Your Brain Turns to Mush

from the archives...12 March, 2010

Writer's Block. I hate it. Typically, when nothing seems to come to my imagination in the way of a story, there is always something hovering in the recesses, and it usually comes out in the forms of my soapbox, here on my blog. Well, lately, even that has gone to mush. At least, I have no other explanation except that my brain is fried, pureed and otherwise cooked.

Where oh where has that creative surge disappeared? I will take you on my typical search in hopes of finding it:

1--Peruse the old manuscripts. You know, the files in the database that sit unread until such times that the writer in me screams, If you can't create, you can always edit! Must be productive! Well it isn't. Not productive at all. Continue on...

2--Find the manuscript that a) I haven't looked at in a while, b) contains my favorite brooding hero--sorry Ryan Harris, you are picked on often, or c) Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Mo it until one comes up at random.

3--Begin reading with the purpose of editing. Too soon, I find myself so caught up in the story (yes, even when it's one I know so well, because, you know, I wrote it) that I can no longer focus on the mispelled words and grammatical faux-pa's that linger.

4--Start over

5--One paragraph in...I check my emails. There are four of them--addresses not messages--and all of them are always full. No, not because I have that many friends, but because I have that much *spam*. [For the record, I do not surf porn.] But they tell me I am in dire need of a penis enhancement, boob job, real estate is SanDiego and Mail Order Brides. After weeding through those, I find myself where else, but on to step 6...

6--Facebook. Yes, I told myself I would get off this thing fast, but what better place to procrastinate than the fun world of games, apps and the need to comment on everyone elses comments because you of all people, have something to say? And don't say MySpace is the alternative answer. I tried that. I signed up for one day--one--with the purpose of plugging my newly-published-and-awesome-book-everyone-should-read*buy here* and my first mesage was from Pedro looking for "a good time because, hey, you look cute and I like romance, too." Really? No, I believe I said I WRITE romance dipshit. Aaaaaand DELETE ACCOUNT.

Right, so back on track. Editing. Oooo...havn't checked my website in a while...

7--Check for guestbook signatures on my Website. And....oh, five new ones! Yay! It's always exciting to get that much cherished feedback from someone interested in my writing, someone who took the time to--Wait a sec...Mail Order Brides!! Since this website is for my writing, and I am married. With children. And not a Lesbian...I delete those, too, and send a complaint to the website creators.

Inevitably, I end up here, blogging about not being able to write. Until now, I didn't even get so far as to spill out the words. My only other choice (aside from looking for new pics of my favorite Rock Star Guitarist to post on my desktop--oh, what a dreamboat) in adding to my heaps of procrastination is reading other people's blogs. So begins the last of all steps....

8. Blogsites. Well, I have found a new one.

Thank you, "Bat Shit Crazy Cute" for your multitudes of humor, whimsey and laugh-out-loud notes. It is thanks to people like you that I have much else to procrastinate about. I will never write another book, I think, because I have found myself stuck perusing and laughing and having an absolute blast. I have become enthralled over the past 2 days, not writing, editing or researching, but reading a soapbox of which is not mine. This one truly should be published into a book of it's own.

Not all is lost. I have been inspired. I am, after all, back to writing at this moment, even if only on my dear Blogsite I have long since ignored.

Freeze Frame

from the archives...23 September, 2009

Zoom in or out...color or black and white...head shot or artsy...smile or look of "mystery''? So many options when choosing that perfect photo that is you, awesome writer. Yes, the very same photo to grace the back cover of every copy of your best-selling novel.

Okay, so yet another exaggeration but what I still call "positive thinking".

Truthfully, I hate taking pictures. Of other people, yes, they're fun. Of myself, well, like every woman, I can find something wrong with them all. And no, I did not actually go for a 'look of mystery', did not tip a fedora over my brow or pout Marilyn Monroe like at the camera. But I have pondered these pictures for two weeks, and can delay no longer. Now I'm at the point where I crop mere slivers from an edge and tint the color ever so slightly, and am inundated with copy upon copy of each of three simple shots, me the only one able to tell the differences. So I chose. Not by that childhood eenie meenie process of elimination, but close. More like, alright already, this'll do. First one to flash on screen.

And hopefully it passes. After all of the opinions from friends and family, which was helpful but I think the vote is still out--everyone is split between all of the same ones I am. So much for diplomatic methods. Being that I always overthink things--everything--I need to remind myself that I am self publishing. Who has the final say but 'me'? So the results are out, file sent to the publisher.

I compromised with artsy and didn't look at the camera...went somewhere between black and white and color... and zoom in? Well, sort of. Really, I could fret another two weeks and come out looking like Greta Garbo meets Minnie Mouse.

Shoulda just sent one of Indiana Jones. He wears a mean fedora.

One Little Step Leads to Bigger Things...Eventually

from the archives...4 September, 2009

It seems forever since last visiting my writing adventures. I've been busy and as my last soapbox of a blog clearly divulged--or shall I say, ranted--my life met with a whirlwind or two and setting my writing desires on the back-burner did not come easy. And now: progress! The forecast has cleared for the moment and the next small step in the publishing process has begun. But what an experience thus far.

Beyond my surprises at cost--a fault of my own naivety, not the publishers--and the many frustrating stops along the way, my final manuscript has been submitted. Better late than never. I had to wonder, though, if such ups and downs were actually bad omens. You know, warning lights, flashing signs, road blocks saying, "Wait! What the hell were you thinking? Author? You?" [giant guffaw and side splitting laughter, me curled up in a pool of tears].

On review since, I think most of that visual comes from my drama queen side and I have to chalk the frustrations up to a typical part of the adventures in the writing process, made even less smooth as it is the first go round for this humble writer.

All said and done, here I am at the cover copy polish stage, which I have been anticipating most with yet another rise of happy anticipation. Ah, to see my book in living color shining with, of course, my name across the front of something real and tangible. Again with the drama. I do realize it won't be in flashing lights, nor imprinted in cement in front of Mann's Chinese Theatre. Not yet, anyway. [longing sigh from me, whistles of fame floating through the air of my imagination.]

I have to say, in the past few months I haven't had time, nor the flow of ideas to sit at the computer and work on anything new. I think I may be going through with-drawls, but there seems to be a shortage of new characters nudging me forward, their pushy selves fueled by an innate desire to have their stories spit out and hovered over for months on end.

I must keep telling myself: one step at a time. They will return.

One step at a time.

Publishing Woes

from the archives...23 February, 2009

And so the disappointment and frustration begins on the return of a first editing evaluation. It won’t be the last, but I wonder if the first is simply just the hardest. This small selection of words today borders on the wallowing writer in me, but is nothing more than a collection and organization of my thoughts in the moment, a way to weed through and find resolution.

I thought I’d feel a pang of disappointment to read the errors and the suggested corrections from the Editorial Evaluation just returned, but I didn’t. I felt pride. I felt honored that a professional level editor finally read my book, that my characters and I took that first step. And I even look at the hurdles of making the changes, searching through the red-penned manuscript with near delight in that my book will only improve from here. I was happy to get the call, happy to see the remarks, both good and bad.

No, my disappointment comes not from the editors but from the self-publishing nightmare of finances. I had expected them but combined with a recent change in the non-writer part of life and perhaps my own naivety of this publishing world, the monsters in this nightmare begin to rear their heads.

And I feel my dreams have just slid away. I know this is momentary, but the financial burden of a book is personal. It’s mine alone and yet it affects my family. The choices now to move forward become selfish on my part which is a hard pill to swallow.

I look now at putting far more into the book than I want, or can, for the line editing alone that is required, not even counting the proofread. Here I sit, faced with shitty timing—the course of finances in the other part of my life changing as I type, our income suddenly and indefinitely taking a new road. (What a perfect example of our presently hurting economy, huh?) I can’t yet justify (if ever) that much money to foster my dream of publishing a book. In a love to money ratio, it’s worth millions. In a money to buy-the-rest-of-the-family-groceries ratio, things look a little different. Of course, this is where the self-pity comes in because I know the world has not indeed ended. ;)

So I review the options, hoping for a ray of light in all of this:

Option 1. Win the lottery.

Option 2. Pray and hope there is a sympathetic God to the realm of writers.

Option 3. Grow a money tree.

Option 4. In the least, and on a serious note, find a friend/family member/acquaintance with enough credentials, ie. an English degree (minimum), to do a line-by-line edit. I have someone. But still this will only be the basics and as far as the proofread, that’s a whole different thing, whole other cost.

Option 5. I can restructure the book as it is, according to the Editorial Rx to make changes and resubmit for a second Editing Evaluation for another lesser fee—if that doesn’t also increase in the meantime—and go from there, hopeful for much more minimal Rx from the editors which does not include as high a cost. I still face a proofread.

Option 6. Submit as is, a not so very polished book to say the least. I don’t know if I could do that but considering the upfront costs already, the stubborn me refuses to take that loss.

So here I sit with the process on hold, trying decide if I should swallow my pride and back out completely, take the already accrued financial loss and venture down other avenues of publishing as before with the bonus of a well evaluated manuscript even if not polished…

...or submit something to print that my heart knows is not well enough perfected.

Both seem impossible for me. And painful.

I guess in the end, life is simply a struggle and there are far more important worries than that of my manuscript. The best things in this world do not come easily. And once I realize that, and step out of this short-lived disappointed wallowing, I will look closely at options 1 through 6 and make one of them work. For now I’ll just start with prayer—it’s free—and hope someone is listening.

The Long Road to Publishing

from the archives...12 February 2009

I have set my writing aside long enough. It's been back burner to everything else and while most of the 'everything else' hasn't changed or simply disappeared as one could hope, I just can't keep away long before I am itching for the computer, envisioning my books in print, and hording every brief moment to write another one; yet another set of characters who will sit along with many others in the vast files of computer memory until they're allowed out, edited a thousand times over and considered by me for sending out to agencies, publishers, my own little group of editing gurus.

All time crunches of life aside, things are beginning to move forward. I don't know that I've found any extra time to dedicate to my passions of writing, but I've found I am lost without doing something of the sort. So on to self publishing. And this time, no procrastinating.

The process has indeed begun.

My nerves are raw. My fingers restless to type. I have promised myself I won't go back to the manuscript in question until I see the first round of editing, returned for my perusal. That in itself has been difficult. I itch to read it again, make those small corrections, polish it until it shines though I've lost count of how many times I've done so already. But since it's been sent through to round one, leafing through pages at this point would be fruitless, so I force myself keep it on the back burner. I know the stressful days will come in a few weeks when I do have to sit down and weed through corrections and 'nice thoughts' from the editors with their suggestions.

I suppose the 'self' portion of the self publishing process takes a bit of pressure off. Essentially, I can choose to change only what I want to change, advice from editors or not. I am in control of the final product. But there is an enormous pressure in that alone. It's all up to me. And I know this is nothing compared to what could be and will be as I continue this journey.

I anticipate the process, have been looking ahead with excitement and even look forward to the advice and 'red penning' of the editing team. I have it all mapped out; from the day I receive the book in print to the sales beginning. But I fear it just won't happen the way I have it figured. In fact, I know it won't. You just can't plan those things. But however it happens, my positive side is sticking with optimism; my writer's side is feeling the burst of an ego coming because I know it is 'just that good'. The rest of me...well, I'm on edge, hoping it's good enough, hoping it makes the cut in the real world when my book finally leaves the security of my own imagination and moves into the wide world of editors, buyers and readers...

Meantime, I'll just have to write more...